RJay: The Alter Ego

Being gay is different from being straight. I can’t go to a social event with the same mindset as you. I can’t talk to a guy the way you would talk to a girl. There’s a 90% chance the guy I talk to will be straight. It’s one of the most painfully feelings knowing that you are truly a minority. I know you don’t understand why I don’t like going to these kinds of events but it’s quite simple: I’d rather stay indoors then go out and make a fool of myself. I’ve been through too much bullshit to have to relieve the feeling. I’m content with everything right now. Remember, what you may call “fun” could be what I find tortuous. 

I only post on tumblr when I’m severely depressed. I’ve only told 3 people what is going on. I just can’t believe it’s happening. I’ve cried everyday while being back in Salinas. I just want to go back to college. The pain of studying is nothing compared to this…

I don’t want to complain, because I love it here at UCSB. But at home I was a president. Here, I can’t even win a damn publicity chair position.